The Light at the End of the Tunnel

It is hard for me to face the fact that I haven’t been able to fully create a written piece for this blog in 4 months, and even more eerie to me that the last post I published was one that urged for us to consider what matters most to us without a crisis forcing such reevaluations. 

Now, in the midst of all of this COVID-19 chaos, we have all been infected one way or another – we have had to change the way we interact with each other and the world around us, adapt to the the ins and outs of our new normals, and shift the mental focus we place on various things. While my hope is that among the small silver linings that this situation poses – like having more time to spend with family and pursue personal goals that work schedules previously got in the way of – that at the end of this predicament we find ourselves taking less for granted, expressing more gratitude, and feeling more connected as humans. This moment in history is one of the many tremors that our world will face, but with each one comes the shifting of tectonic plates that is necessary for society’s reconfiguration towards more empathy and equality.

Royal National Park, Australia // July 2019

Recently, as my spirit was starting to lift after some rough past months in my personal life, I envisioned writing a post in May with this same title: “The Light At the End of the Tunnel.” It was to come alongside my college graduation, serving as inspiration for fellow students and those who have ever felt lonely, lost, or unsure if they would live to see their goals achieved. As I have said before, this platform was sparked by my hope that if I opened up and shared my own feelings, at least one person would read my words, realize they weren’t alone, and find the strength to continue to place one foot in front of the other. I figured that being able to write “from the other side,” as someone who successfully reached a big milestone in life, would be encouraging for people. Unfortunately, as a consequence of COVID-19, that moment of physically receiving my diploma on an official graduation day is no longer a reality. What I have come to realize though, is that the true success isn’t in finally making it to the end goal, but rather accepting the challenge of each waking day and continuing to push yourself in the right direction as opposed to giving up.

For a lot of people who know me in my private life, it may come as a surprise to know that my outwardly smiling and humorous persona doesn’t indicate the internal struggles that I have been learning to accept and manage. Having an essentially perfect and very fortunate life makes the emotional challenges even harder, as I feel like I don’t have the right to feel the deep waves of sadness that often overcome me. It is hard for me to reach out and express that I need help, let alone disclose to people that depression, anxiety, and eating disorders haunt my everyday experiences. I never wanted to be vulnerable and explicitly discuss these things for fear that I would pitied (something that my highly independent, stubborn self does not enjoy), so it only felt appropriate to bring them up in the context that I survived and succeeded on my own. However, I came to the conclusion that this was antithetical to my desire to help people identify with human conditions and understand that it is normal to feel grateful and happy for so much in life, as well as simultaneously endure times that feel unbearable. 

Manly, Sydney, Australia // June 2019

I once read something that helped me come to terms with my own feelings, and perhaps you too will find solace in it: for those who are empathetic and finely tuned into the world around them, their scope on life allows them to see the oneness that connects us all, yet it does not extend in only one direction, forcing them to also experience the weight and sadness of the world at a stronger level. 

While it is important to stay motivated and recognize that “the light at the end of the tunnel” proposes many positives, I think it is even more critical to acknowledge the successes of continuing to journey through doubt and darkness. It is also vital to not discount that there are many times when sunlight can leak through crevices. These are the instances in which the dichotomy of happiness and depression exist; these are the times when you can feel both whole and split in two. And sometimes, after years of feeling like a societal anomaly, one of the light beams that you encounter may be someone who finally lends a listening ear, accepts you for who you are, or offers to walk with you through the darkness and sit with you in the warmth of the light. 

With all the uncertainty that we are collectively facing, I hope that we can at least gain a better understanding of each other and ourselves. Let us take this time to heal, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. These are times that call for the upmost acts of kindness, reassurance, and empathy. There are already signs of positive outcomes such as lower environmental emissions, so perhaps we can view this situation as an extreme way of hitting “reset” in a multitude of aspects. We should always be conscious of the internal feelings and struggles that one may be battling, but we should be even more hyperaware and considerate in a period like this. Sending love, light, and health to all! xoxo

Dissolving Differences

One of the biggest things I like to emphasis on this blog (and in life in general!) is the oneness that connects us all. Society often likes to make the differences in life more obvious than the similarities. While reading Only Love is Real, the sequel to Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, I realized that some of his words correlated with a woman’s story I had learned while traveling in Israel. The overall message is that we all go through the same hardships; deep down we are all scared, we all want to find love and happiness. Weiss discusses how the soul is not attached to superficial differences (like race, ethnicity, gender, etc.) that often pose as barriers in everyday life. The woman I met in Israel discussed what it is like to live in a country where the majority of people she is spiritually connected to are fighting against the people she is ethnically connected to. 

Haifa, Israel // May 2018

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Brain Weiss, he is a therapist who specializes in past life regression therapy, in which patients are able to recall their past lives and identify life patterns and familiar souls. (Read my post about his first book here.) Through his innumerous sessions with clients, he has seen how diverse one soul’s lives can be – from a British woman of royalty in one life to an Egyptian male healer in another. Weiss writes that in “the course of our lifetimes, we change sexes, religions, and races in order to learn from all sides” (Only Love is Real 98). He illustrates that we cannot have fear, anger, greed, hatred, etc., because we have probably at one point in our soul’s journey, embodied whatever it is now that we view as “different.” The point of life he says is to learn how to love, forgive, be aware, and eliminate violence. Regardless of your religion or if you believe in reincarnation or not, it is hard to argue with Weiss’ points that simply suggest that we place ourselves in others’ shoes and treat people in a manner in which we would hope to be treated if we were in their situation.

Israel has long been in war with Palestine, and while I was visiting, I was fortunate enough to get to go to a village that was inhabited by both Israelis and non-Israelis. A woman shared her story of being a Christian who lived in a non-Israeli village that was destroyed by Israelis, and how she found forgiveness and love in their people when she moved into a main Israeli port for university. She was young, divorced, and her rejection of her somewhat forced marriage through her culture caused her to be abandoned by her own blood. That’s when she was left with nothing, only to find that so many Israelis welcomed her with open arms and offered her a roof, food, education, and companionship. She shared that through her experiences she realized that love conquers all – that no matter your side in a situation, both parties are afraid, both parties have a right to their beliefs, and both parties are just trying to protect their own happiness and health, which she believes doesn’t have to be at the expense of others. 

Rosh HaNikra, Israel // May 2018

Lately, I have been quite observant of how often we rely on the differences between ourselves and others to characterize, when we should be focusing more on similarities or attributes such as one’s humor, kindness, generosity, etc. If we empathize with the feelings and familiarities of those around us, not only do we broaden our repertoire of experienced emotions, but we open up our heart to allow others to also enter and understand our lives better. Weiss’ discussion of patterns across multiple lives and how we can break destructive cycles through the recognition of such patterns, inspired me to want to focus on the breaking of cycles within this life that we currently know, regardless of whether or not we have insight into any of our soul’s past encounters. It is time that we break the pattern of guarding our hearts against others, ignoring what we all share as a human race, and being blind to the wonderful connections we have the potential to make with people, no matter how diverse their lives are compared to our own! 

Finding Belonging Without Overbearing

Growing up, my family’s go-to vacation spot was Hawaii, and since my very first trip when I was just over a year old, I have always felt a sense of deep belonging to the island state. My name even has Hawaiian roots, meaning “awakening.” No matter how many times I have been fortunate to visit, Maui in particular, seems to ceaselessly call to me. There have been times that I have honestly cried because I longed to smell the fresh, fragrant air and feel the warm ocean mist again. As I prepared for this past trip to Maui, I eagerly anticipated the sensation of peace, oneness, and clarity that I usually experienced while there. Much to my dismay, when I finally arrived I felt frustrated and lost; it felt as though something I loved so much was rejecting me in a sense. The days seemed a little gloomier and rainier than I remembered, and the energy a little less uplifting. 

Kapalua, HI // June 2018

I began to get upset with myself for feeling as though I was not harnessing as much of the vacation as I could have. As my remaining days on the island began to dwindle, the anxiety and unsettledness intensified, making it even harder for me to reach the level of zen I had been hoping to reach in the first place. One morning I decided to go on a run along the beach, followed by a cool down under a palm tree facing the ocean. I closed my eyes and tried to understand why I had felt so separate from “my” sacred space. That’s when I realized that up until that moment, I had felt some sort of elite ownership of the island, a feeling that no one can truly earn because this earth is a shared space amongst all human beings and living things. I had arrived with an expectation that the beautiful land I was entering was going to just give me everything I needed, when in actuality, it had the potential of fulfilling everything if only I had respected the space and put in a little effort to seek out what I desired. 

Napili Bay, HI // June 2018

In that moment, I had a revelation that anywhere we are, no matter how familiar or foreign, we belong. We belong because we exist and the universe has placed us in that space at that moment. However, if we feel as though we are the only ones entitled to a given space, we actually bring about a strong sense of loneliness and bitterness onto ourselves. When we shift our perspectives to realize that places and instants are shared, we can then begin to decipher and appreciate our own individual experiences, basking in how wonderful it is that so many different people can benefit from a singular place, person, or idea in various ways. Life truly is what you make of it, and I had been blind to all the beauty that was still surrounding me, even if I did feel like it was a bit alien to me. 

Moral of the story: when we enter spaces, regardless if they are old or new, we must be open-minded and acknowledge that we are not alone in whatever we are about to experience. We all have an individual right to feel and react in our own ways, and therefore we need to respect that this world also provides others with their own rights. Like I have said before, the universe is plentiful in its resources for us, but we must be willing to put in a little elbow grease to reap these means so as to reach what we are journeying for. Spread you’re light and love, and light and love will flow back to you!!

What I’ve Learned About Love (+ Things Related to It)

Happy February! In honor of it being the month of love, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss a few of the insights I’ve gained in the relatively short twenty years that I have been a part of this world. I feel like naturally February is associated with the romantic love that comes with being in a relationship, but there are so many other forms of love that deserve recognition too! Today’s culture has cultivated this trend of looking forward to Valentine’s Day if you are in a steady partnership, while the rest of the world holds feelings of bitterness and makes self-deprecating jokes about loneliness, but I am here to encourage us all to embrace love generally no matter the time of year.

Montana State Beach, CA // January 2018

1. Loved Ones Deserve Love – Since coming to college, I have realized that loved ones, like family members, often serve as our emotional bounce board since we take their love for granted. They are often the ones we feel so safe with, that we dump all of our negativity, rants, stress, etc. on them. Usually, it isn’t under after we’ve cooled down and recovered from whatever situation we were dealing with, that we realize the majority of our time talking to our beloved was spent hashing out everything but what should have been the focus of the conversation. Moral of the story here: although it is healthy to express your emotions in a safe space, remember to reach out to loved ones during times when its not just because you need a shoulder to lean and cry on. Express your appreciation and love for those that are close to you, and challenge yourself to reach out to people just to see how their days are or discuss something that is making life great at the moment!

2. Love Can Heal The Wounds It Causes – Referring back to the various levels of love, sometimes we find ourselves in a position where the love we had for someone is forced to retreat into the cavities of our hearts as we are no longer able to love that person in the capacity that we previously did. These instances can often make their mark by leaving a substantial scar on our hearts, which then arouses many questions, feelings of doubt and paranoia, and potentially, deep pain and sadness. However, unlike salt, if we add love from other areas of life to the wound that love itself created, we find that new happiness and growth appears in our lives. Self-love, love from family and friends, and healing love energies from nature can all help to not only mend a gash of love, but to also thrive and blossom into more loving, powerful, and tuned-in individuals. Moral of the story here: love isn’t easy, it can inflict just as much pain as it can intense comfort, but the important thing to keep in mind is that love is everywhere. There is not ever just one sole source of love, so there should never be a lack of healing love to act as a cure for times when you are searching for the antidote to heartache. 

Montara State Beach, CA // January 2018

3. Love is Ever-Present – Like I said above, love is everywhere and in everything. Sometimes though, our love levels vary, not just for different things, but for one thing in particular. I think this most strongly applies to self-love, where one minute we are feeling good and empowered, and the next we are beating ourselves up over something. It is in these times, when we feel defeated and feel a bit lack luster in our outflow of love for something, be it ourselves or a life passion, that we must keep in mind that just because we don’t feel the same strong intensity of love that we have felt before, doesn’t mean that there is no love left. Sometimes outside factors or unnamable forces drain our current love (along with other emotions!) and we find ourselves in a funk. This does not mean that for instance, if you are an English major you should go rethink your entire life the second you just aren’t feeling motivated to write an essay! Instances of low love and deficient motivation only mean that we need to sow and tend to the flame of love that still burns within us, regardless if it is currently very dim. Moral of the story: as humans, our existence is reliant on the presence of love and we always have it coursing through us even in the times when it feels absent. Essentially, we need to remember to take a few steps back and listen to our souls in an effort to get an accurate census of our fluctuating feelings.

I know I am still a student of this Earth and that I still have a multitude of lessons to learn in my lifetime, but I hope that these small pieces on love have either resonated with you, provided you with some insight, or at least inspired you to continue to spread love. This month, I challenge you to elevate your love and reach out to an old friend or someone you appreciate, give a stranger a compliment, dedicate time to enriching yourself, or partaking in some sort of gratitude/love practice that you do not already consistently do in your everyday routines. Remember that the love you pour out into the world will be returned to you! Here’s to a fresh month dedicated to the driving force of our universe!

Enriching Reads: Installment #2

Robert Frost once said, “Poetry is when an emotion found its thought and the thought has found words.” A couple years ago, I was on a weekend trip in the snowy woods, and I found myself in one of the cutest little bookstores ever. Being an avid writer and reader, I always get excited when I discover new, unique shops that support the written word, especially in its printed form. As I skimmed the titles on the shelves, this yellow book, tucked away on the very bottom shelf, struck me. And that is how I happened upon “The Gift,” which I feel truly lives up to its title, and I hope through me sharing this with you, you feel as though a little piece of magic has been bestowed upon you as well. 

I regard Hafiz’s “The Gift” as one of the most influential collections of writing that I have ever read. His words provoke such profound thoughts and feelings, and when I first read his poems, I was overwhelmed with this sense of connection that I had never fully experienced before. It amazed me that someone could write about concepts so far ahead of my time, yet touch me with them in a way that made me feel as if they were directly written for me to absorb. Hafiz’s poems helped me to put in perspective that we are all loved and never lonely, thanks to the powerful universe that we belong to. 

Excerpt from The Gift

In the first verse of his poem “Looking for Good Fish,” Hafiz writes:

Why complain about life

If you are looking for good fish

And have followed some idiot

Into the middle of the copper market?

I interpreted this segment, which is representative of the poem as a whole, to mean that if we focus on the negative or continue to pursue paths that don’t proactively help your case, you really don’t have the authority to complain. His poem resolves in teaching us that we shouldn’t look beyond ourselves for fulfillment, love, and other emotional contentment, since we all have the universe flowing within us and have all been intentionally placed within this world that was created out of love. 

Hafiz, who was a Sufi master, has such an amazing way of highlighting the common threads throughout all of humanity and illuminating our oneness with the world. I think another beautiful aspect is that because it is poetry, it can be interpreted in multiple ways, further supporting the idea that we all experience similar feelings, just in different situations. Even if you just want to indulge in a few of Hafiz’s poems, I highly recommend seeking out his words. I hope this post and suggestion brings you some enlightenment! Feel free to comment below your favorite poem, thoughts that you experienced through them, or other reading suggestions! 

The Gift - Poems by Hafiz the Great Sufi Master by Hafiz, Daniel Ladinsky [26 August 1999]

Penguin Books Australia

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