Bravely Stepping Into the Unknown

Life can often feel as daunting and uncertain as exploring the depths of an ocean. Sometimes we find ourselves in parts where light barely seeps through, where we feel alone, lost, and unsure about what we might experience in the next moments. 

Zion National Park, Utah // October 2020

While not quite the same, and far from the frightening dark with its incredible colors, the Narrows in Zion National Park require that one willingly enters into the unknown. There are so many uncontrollable factors – varying temperatures, water depth, strength of the currents, the uneven terrain - that remind hikers of their humanity and how nature cannot be tamed.  Wading through the Narrows means committing to trekking ahead, even in the moments when you aren’t certain where your foot will land or how high the water will meet you. If you hone in on the rapid current, or look ahead and realize you’ve lost sight of the ground, it can be easy to feel distressed. To get through moments of uncertainty, it can help to look up, take in the surrounding beauty, and remind yourself of all the elements you’ve already successfully overcome.  

It’s important to remember that sometimes you’ll have someone there to cheer you on, lend a supporting hand that you can literally lean on, and dust you off when you need some extra strength. Other times you’ll be forced to look around and find ways to work with what you have. And, the reality is, there will even be days when you’ll just have yourself to rely on – whether it’s a celebratory event or a low period. In these moments, we become strongest as we exercise our skills of surviving on our own, and it makes us more appreciative when we do have support around us. 

Personally, I know it can be extremely hard to muster up the courage to move forward. Sometimes recognizing all the support and love around you can actually make it harder, adding on a layer of “Why do I feel this way when there is so much positivity around me?” Guilt can seep in, compounding the negative feelings of not knowing what lie ahead. The effect that you are only sinking deeper and deeper may wash over. The key word is “effect;” the truth is that there have been challenges before and, often times, the worst outcomes of our daily stresses aren’t actually all that bad. Truly, it hurts us more to limit ourselves and remain stuck; It’s important to continue to make progress by bravely taking that bold step into the unknown. 

While hiking waist-deep through the cool, crisp water in Zion, I realized that it was easiest to trek when I went with the flow of the current and intuitively harnessed my momentum to leap from rock to rock. In this way, change is similar to a current. Resisting change and being frozen by fear, only makes it harder to navigate. Without surrendering to what might be and continuing our journey, we miss out on new possibilities and the potential to see an unthinkably beautiful sight around the corner. It’s about focusing on the fact that opportunity awaits, as opposed to the fact that you are halfway under water. 

“It’s about focusing on the fact that opportunity awaits, as opposed to the fact that you are halfway under water. ”

Without the power to predict the future, it is normal to get anxious about the unknown or feel overwhelmed. However, if we pause and log all that we’ve conquered in life, it’s easy to see that the magic in life is in all the crevices that we dare to explore. Cheers to being more fearless in this new year! xoxo

Pushing Past Budding Potential to Get to Full Bloom

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on how far I have come in my personal life, noting the key practices and elements that helped me get to this point, along with the areas of my life that I still feel like I have not completely unlocked. Inspired by Michael A. Singer’s book The Untethered Soul, I began to come to the realization that I am my own barrier in knocking down any walls that I currently have or ever will have. One of the most important aspects of my journey to where I am now in life, was that I always tried to follow the idea that you “grow through what you go through,” so whether it was one of my lowest lows or highest highs, there was a lesson that I tried to extract for future application. Secondly, in my past, the most prosperous moments came when I had decided to completely surrender myself to whatever life had in store, erasing any imaginative borders that could confine me to a specific outcome. As I have begun to once again ask myself how I can transcend and open myself to even more abundance, ready to focus on my inner self in a way that I haven’t been recently, I have pieced together that in an effort to grow, I must enter out of my “comfort zone” (a place that only exists because I arbitrarily decided that some things in life are scarier than others).

Los Angeles, CA // May 2019

I have been visualizing myself as a little sprout, hoping to push through the dirt and see the sun, imagining that once I get above ground I will finally be able to absorb all the light and beauty of the world. That is when I realized that my perspective was that I had to struggle to emerge from underneath this soil that was blocking me, rather than noticing that this dirt was chock full of nutrients, helping me in my endeavor. This relief of recognizing that something wasn’t a threat to my existence, but was rather a helpful element that wasn’t worth fighting against brought so much contentment – so much stress was shed and I realized that regardless of my stage in life, I can always just be and welcome in all that the universe is willing to provide. Life shouldn’t be a continuous process to get to a certain point where you think happiness exists, there is always happiness and life waiting to be soaked up every day. We have to teach ourselves to turn this perspective into the dominant lens through which we view life.

However, living life free of stress, fear, etc. is easier said than done, and it definitely is not an overnight process. For me, it helps to set little challenges for myself that help me to physically experience and feel accomplished in overcoming things I presume I cannot. Examples of this can be running the extra two minutes even when you feel like you are going to collapse on the treadmill, smiling and saying hello to someone you don’t know very well even if you think you are risking ultimate embarrassment, or maybe it is just deciding to go to a different coffee shop or take a new walking route to test entering into the unfamiliar at a small scale. After successfully achieving the little goals you set for yourself, it is easy to gain a sense of empowerment that will help you to chip away at your larger personal inner walls, letting that warmth of light peek in, and eventually helping you to enter into an infinite space of possibility. 

Los Angeles, CA // May 2019

I highly recommend reading The Untethered Soul, as it does such an amazing job of underlying how much unreasonable attention we give the voices inside of our heads, along with helping to illuminate how to get to the point where life feels like it is an effortless, beautiful flow. We are all in a continual state of growth, but sometimes we hit those walls that require us to reflect on how we can push ourselves to bloom into beings that can truly make the most of every moment and surrender to the winds of life. Try to work on tuning out all the meaningless chatter that suggests that you can’t – it is time for us to be brave and slowly emerge out of the boxes we have placed ourselves in! Have a great week everyone! xoxo 

Springing Into Brighter Days

With the recent time change filling our days with more sun and the official transition into Spring happening today, I want to focus on the shift in energy that we might all be sensing. These past few winter months might have left some of us feeling a little bit more lackluster than usual, not to mention that this past New Moon had the potential to stir up insecurities and fog up our abilities to easily make decisions. And all of these factors can definitely lead to feelings of being lost, experiencing “off” days, or other funky feelings. But, in honor of the month’s St. Patrick’s Day holiday and the idea of finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there is luck and positivity to be found just around the corner! Also, let’s not forget that rainbows are formed by sunlight being reflected off of the water molecules after a rain shower, so it just goes to show that sometimes you need some rain to see the beauty of the light that is always shining! 

Currently, Mercury is in retrograde (until the 28th), which means that communication can get fuzzy and certain aspects of relationships, or life in general, might feel as though they are going awry. I mention this, because I think it is important for us to recognize that we can’t let individual, specific events diminish the rest of our daily lives. Acknowledging that there is the potential for miscommunication and a little disorder can help us to take a step back and allow the events to delicately unravel on their own, without aggravating the situation. The Full Moon tonight, which signals the start of the official spring season, places an emphasis on relationships and how these connections require us to sometimes make a small individual modification. With communication vulnerable until the 28th, it is important to really reflect on who we are surrounding ourselves with and what our needs and desires are personally, so that we can have the smoothest interactions as possible. Remember to stay strong in your values and to be authentic, but be thorough in your self-analysis because we all have room to grow, especially when it comes to communicating with others.

Israel // June 2018

I have said this before, but another reminder is that a little “spring cleaning” is in order under this fresh energy. Going back to the importance of relationships, this is a great time to make sure that we haven’t lost our personal selves in the needs of people around us and that the people we are devoting most of our love and attention to are positively replenishing that energy. This is a great point in the year to just check in with the intentions we set in January and to make tweaks that help us recalibrate as we continue on our paths. Remember, you have never completely lost sight of your trail, always continue trekking and you will eventually come across a clearing that will help you make sense of everything.  

So with that, happy spring everyone! May the brighter days that are in our forecast help to stimulate a deeper lightening of our spirits! Be conscious of your interactions with others and make an effort to dedicate time to the people in your life who bring out your most vibrant self! xoxo

365 Days of Gratitude

Exactly a year ago I nervously hovered my cursor over the “publish” button, eventually mustering up the courage to finally unveil this blog of mine. After years of using writing to heal and capture memories, feelings, and thoughts, I realized that a lot of my emotional battles would have been less destructive had I felt like I wasn’t alone in my experiences. I felt ready to be completely vulnerable, letting my heart and mind be an open book, with the hope that even one person would feel more connected in this overwhelming world as they resonated with the feelings I expressed. 

Within just the first 36 hours, I had over 200 views, and a tremendous amount of love and support filling up all communication outlets. I couldn’t believe it; here I was, putting my most raw self out into the public eye, and what came back was the strongest feeling of care and belonging that I had ever sensed. And for that, I am indescribably grateful. From that moment on, no matter how low of a day I had, or how invisible I perceived myself to be, I could not ignore the amount of genuine love that still existed around me, even if it remained tucked away in secret crevasses of people’s hearts. While my goal with this blog is to inspire others, I am completely indebted to everyone who reads these words that I sputter out and to everyone who has encouraged me and unwaveringly stood by my side. Without such an amazing network of souls, I would never have been, nor would I remain, inspired to pursue my endeavors. 

The Dead Sea, Israel // June 2018

In honor of this one-year mark, as well as the season of gratitude, I wanted to share my appreciation and urge you all to reflect on your own sources of gratitude. So much of this journey has revolved around being my most honest identity, learning to accept all aspects of myself and recognizing the people in my life who embrace me unconditionally. With that in mind, I wanted to focus this post on emphasizing how important it is to live authentically, and how when you guide your life from the purest form of yourself, you magnetize so much genuine love and positivity. It is okay to be scared and to feel uncertain, but being truthful about these feelings allows you to seek and welcome whatever it might be that will make life a little easier and happier. 

Sometimes the world can be daunting, the uncertain future anxiety inducing. There will be times where it is hard to smile, or you can’t quite peg what is getting you in a funk. We are human. But humans need connection, and despite every ounce of your being telling you that it is best to just hole yourself up and remain isolated for a while, keep in mind that there are people near you who either have felt your feelings, or are currently feeling the same way, and that they can help you through. It is beginning to be the time of year where traditions and family gatherings are at the forefront, and whether you end up expressing your appreciation or not (though I highly encourage vocalizing your thoughts!), reflect on how those close to you have impacted you as an individual, and how your presence has affected them in return. Maybe the person who has had a large influencing in shaping you isn’t even very directly active in your life, maybe it was some tough criticism that helped spark your now positively-attributed personality, or maybe you are fortunate to always have been filled with a loving warmth. Whatever it is, positive or negative, try to find the silver lining, give thanks, and appreciate all of what makes you uniquely you.

Israel // June 2018

Don’t be afraid to let the walls of your heart down, to be honest with your thoughts and share them with others, and to acknowledge all of your experiences that have brought you to this position you currently find yourself in! Happy Monday, wishing everyone a week full of gratitude and light! Words cannot express how grateful I am to have such incredible support and such loyal readers!

Running Towards Your Fate - A Guest Piece

The following excerpt is written by my dear friend, Kaitlyn Uythoven. She never fails to amaze me with all of her incredible accomplishments, and I am grateful to have her in my life as one of my most genuine and supportive friends. I hope that her words will inspire you in the way that they have for me and provide a new voice, while conveying a similar message. The photos accompanying this post are also her own. Enjoy!

Over the last few months I’ve done a lot of running. I’ve run away from a lot and I have run towards a lot. I’ve become really good at clocking miles on barren roads that ramble through the tangles of my reality, my mind, and my heart. Life is like an ultra-marathon that you end up running without looking at the route beforehand. One moment you are hurdling down a descent with a wild, reckless spirit and the feeling that the future is full of endless possibility and unbounded room for growth.  The next moment, that seemingly weightless sensation is tested and you find yourself drained on an ascent through adversity, doubt, broken trust, and all sorts of disillusioned expectations. Somewhere in the middle of the race, you learn to rely on your self-direction and to trust the process. 

Oregon Coast // August 2018

To bring this all into a more tangible thread of thought, the last few months have taught me that strength is about trusting when you have a reason not to. Strength is about loving people and situations even when you feel like your life has been blanketed in darkness. It’s about finding peace within yourself and embracing all of the minute complexities that make you inherently human. 

For the bulk of my life, I have been a believer in the concept that if you fought for whatever you loved with enough ferocity, you could single-handedly control and guide your future with a little perseverance. While I still believe that this can be true and that John Wooden’s famous adage that luck is a residue of good design can still be valid, I have also learned that there are limitations to that belief. Holding onto something fleeting is futile; it inhibits the beauty of freedom and growth. Whereas, learning to let go, to thank those that hurt you and contributed the most to your own self-discovery, and embracing the fear of the unknown is extraordinarily powerful. Once one can do as such, they will often discover the next door to success, innovation, and greatness.

Oregon Coast // August 2018

Running is similar to life in this regard. The author of Born to Run, Christopher McDouugall explains the connection the best by describing that when you start a new run on a new trail, “you never know how hard it will be or when it will end. You can’t control it, you can only adjust.” To embrace a challenge like that, you have to possess strength. But even more so, you have to carry gratitude, forgiveness, perspective, dedication, and patience. 

There is something that is almost eerily beautiful and reassuring about the idea of fate and how it is inextricably connected to life and running. I believe that most events in peoples’ lives serve some kind of higher purpose and that fate brings those to the forefront. Recently, fate has guided me through life events and has introduced me to people that made me fall in love with running. Fate and running have given me a lot; I’ve found understanding, purpose, direction, and challenge. Somewhere along a run and along the way I discovered that light can be found even in the places that seem overpoweringly dark. So, at the end of the day, be fearless in your ability to trust others, even if they have hurt you. Life has a way of working itself out in the most unexpected of ways. 

Replacing the Notion of “Giving Up” with “Giving it a Try”

First off, I cannot believe it has been nearly two months since my last post. While I wish I had been able to maintain my writing in the midst of moving back to school, academics, work, and everyday life, it appears I simply could not, but alas here I am, and with that, a testament to the theme of this post: not giving up. Lately I have being struggling to come to terms with the reality of my feelings versus the ideal of persevering and conquering all that I originally envisioned accomplishing. I think part of my long hiatus from writing has been due, in part, to this battle leaving me with such confusion that most of my days are spent with my mind going back and forth, back and forth, until by the time I have a moment to “breathe,” I am so exhausted and cannot begin to even synthesize my feelings into words. As I reflect on how taxing this confliction has been, I come to the conclusion that my vexations would cease to exist if I ignored the impression that people would judge me for failing to continue in paths that I have begun to pave for myself. It is in this moment that I realize that I, along with everyone else in this world, have the right to pursue things, and then come to the realization that these pursuits do not suit me in the ways I presumed they would. After all, how would we know things don’t fit unless we try them on? 

San Fransisco, CA // August 2018

I don’t want to presume that everyone feels this way, but often times, I feel pressured to stick things out to the end. In the past, there have been many times where I have wanted to give up – and by give up I mean down to the kind that makes life itself seem like an undesirable feat – but I always found a way to pick myself up enough times to get on level ground and keep going. Coming off of a wonderful summer and feeling as though I finally reached a point where I was utterly content with life, I was excited to embark on a fresh semester. Just over two months in and I find myself reanalyzing my life, asking myself where I went awry. Did I take on too much? Am I not confronting the underlying truth that this time around I can’t do it all? Is that okay, will people understand that I can’t juggle being a student, working, maintaining relationships, pursuing passions like writing and working out, and also having time to simply just be? 

One thing is for sure, I know that not everyone can understand the internal battle waging inside of me, because there are some people who I know can relate to internal conflicts and then there are others who maybe don’t allow the judgments of others to interfere, relieving themselves of a certain level of intensity. In fact, I don’t even expect people to externally acknowledge this everyday combat I seem to be fighting, since after all, it is virtually invisible, even barely discernable by those with a keen sense of my habitual tones and mannerisms. But because I know this, I also recognize that it is up to me to decide to truly live for myself. Why should I care if someone views my change in directions, my gradual shift in focusing on what truly makes me happy and what is best for me? At the end of the day I am the one dealing with the emotional outcomes of my life decisions. 

San Fransisco, CA // August 2018

So what I am trying to say, is that if you ever feel like the walls of life are caving in, and you are starting to entertain a new idea that works to reverse previous choices, don’t feel as though you are agonizingly bound to wherever you currently are in life. There is beauty in the fact that we are ever evolving beings on journeys that allow us to learn and apply those experiences in a way that advances us towards what happiness looks like in our individual lives. Realize that sometimes you have to fully immerse yourself in order to assess from the inside whether or not something - a hobby, a book, a job, or a relationship – is indeed the best for you. And if you realize that its time to change course, honor yourself for trying and understand that you aren’t giving up, that instead it is just time to give something new a spin. You should never regret “time wasted” going in one direction if it does not end up being your final destination. There are reasons why we are guided through detours; who knows, maybe without the detour we would’ve hit a roadblock and never made it to where we were meant to go, or maybe the least direct routes are meant to give us perspective in order to fully appreciate the view at the end of it all. It is okay to make u-turns, accidentally take the wrong exits, or even to not heed the signs at all, but it is important to remember to tune into your internal GPS that will respond and reroute you in the right direction. 

An Ode to “Eat, Pray, Love”

For those of you who have never read Liz Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love,” I highly suggest that you add it to your reading list (along with her book “Big Magic”!). When people ask me who my celebrity idols are, and mind you, I’ve never really been the fan-girl-type, I have three people I might suggest depending on my mood: comedian Ellen DeGeneres, chef Gordon Ramsay, and yes, author Elizabeth Gilbert. My wanderlust, spontaneous soul has always admired Gilbert’s story of leaving her conventional life in search of a deeper meaning, all while trusting in the universe’s divine guidance. My personal Instagram plays homage to the novel with categories dedicated to “Eat,” “P(l)ay,” and “Love.” Long story left un-shortened…. I revere Gilbert and her journey with all my heart.

Québec, Canada // March 2018

One March night, after I had recently arrived back from my trip to Canada, I caught my mind spiraling with all the possibilities of where I could travel to next, and of course I couldn’t help but tease the possibility of getting up and just moving to a foreign country for a month without a plan, much like Gilbert. I jokingly said in my head, “Well at least I got the eating part out of the way,” as I reminisced on all the cheese platters and other rich foods I had consumed in Québec. It wasn’t until the next month that my trips to Israel and Hawaii were solidified. And once again, as I fell asleep I realized: my trip to Israel was going to be for soul searching and praying, while my trip to Hawaii was going to be spent in the company of my family, the people I love most. I had found the “Pray” and the “Love” pieces to my very own “Eat, Pray, Love” quest! 

May and June rolled around, and I couldn’t have been more overjoyed at the idea of having traveled to three different unique destinations, all with their own purpose, in the span of under four months. First, in Canada, I indulged in heaps of cured meats with fruit preserves and buttery chocolate chip croissants, washed down with sweet wines and floral gins. Next, in Israel, I meditated, I pushed myself to overcome things I couldn’t have imagined before, and I wept when I came in the presence of the Western Wall. Then came time to dedicate life to love and those closest to me in Maui, a destination very dear to my heart. I modified my “Love” phase to be symbolic of paying homage to my roots and soaking up my favorite sceneries with my wonderful parents and sister. After all, I couldn’t expect to be swept off my feet by some guy while in Hawaii like Gilbert experiences in Bali, right?? 

Israel // May 2018

So now, it’s been two months since I’ve arrived back home after my travels, and I am now in a relationship – with a guy that I connected with while I was in Hawaii. Although he himself wasn’t physically on the island, the universe has a funny way of working out, and I couldn’t be happier, not only with the direction life is going in, but also that I got to live out my own little “Eat, Pray, Love” that I had always dreamed of. Life is spontaneous, and these past months have been full of surprising changes and opportunities that I couldn’t be more grateful for. Sometimes things happen quickly and unexpectedly, but always remember to trust in the universe and let life flow! Open up your heart to the potential of what your heart and soul are seeking, enjoy the moment, and the universe will provide you with more than expected! We all are going through our own journeys, so you must enjoy your own for what it is! Don’t be afraid to share you stories, reach out to others, and always live life in the moment!